Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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