Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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