The maid of honor just puked.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
