I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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