She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
