i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
