Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
