If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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