I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize