Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
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