I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
