so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
