Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
