i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
