She's JV to your varsity
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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