her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
