is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
