Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You took a bar mat shot.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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