he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
