there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
