I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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