You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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