He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
