after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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