I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
