there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
