love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
