Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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