the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
