I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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