You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
