Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
