maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
