The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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