So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
