I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
