you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
