i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
