dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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