im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
