I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
