Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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