the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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