Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
