JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
