She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
