mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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