I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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