She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
