I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
