um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize