i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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