you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
