I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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