Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
