Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
