is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
