We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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