Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
