I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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