We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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