I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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