omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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