im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
