Screwed.edu
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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