I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
