If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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