I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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