I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
