Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
