Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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