whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
