sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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