ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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