why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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