It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
