Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
