I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
