I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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