I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
