i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
