my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i drank out of a bidet.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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