This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
