Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
