It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
