think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
