Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
