Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
