Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
