The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I got her a Nickelback box set.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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