This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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