so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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