K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize