she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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