She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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