The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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