When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize