That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
