You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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