dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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