Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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