I'll bet she douches with gravy.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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