So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
