I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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