I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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